{"id":11753,"date":"2019-11-14T01:05:31","date_gmt":"2019-11-14T06:05:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/macarthurmedi1.wpengine.com\/?p=11753"},"modified":"2019-11-14T01:05:31","modified_gmt":"2019-11-14T06:05:31","slug":"how-to-talk-to-a-teenager","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/expioconsulting.com\/macarthur\/blog\/2019\/11\/14\/how-to-talk-to-a-teenager\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Talk To A Teenager"},"content":{"rendered":"

Use Opportunities in their Context.<\/p>\n

Typical conversations with a teenager<\/h4>\n

\u201cHow was your day?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFine\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did you do at school today?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNothing\u201d<\/p>\n

Riveting conversation for sure. We all want our children to be successful. Things would be so much easier if during the teen years we just did not have to talk to them.<\/p>\n

Effective Communication<\/h4>\n

Our goal is to raise children who are ready to leave our house and survive in the world on their own. How do we do this? One key aspect is effective communication.<\/p>\n

Your teenager\u2019s job<\/span>\u00a0is to prepare themself to leave \u2014 to pull away and to be able to survive in the world on their own. This creates tension between parent and child. It makes communication much more difficult. This tension is illustrated in the title of one of my favorite parenting books called\u00a0Get Out of My Life but Could you First Drive Cheryl and I to the Mall.<\/em><\/p>\n

Discussions about sex<\/h4>\n

Parent-Child discussions about sex often break down because adults fail to accept one key concept. When our kids are young we tell them what our family believes. We explain what is right and what is wrong. As children age, they incorporate everything they learned from us and develop their own belief system. Their belief system is what guides their decisions. OUR opinions matter but THEIR opinion matters more. Here is the key concept:<\/p>\n

The thoughts in THEIR heads guide their decisions.<\/p>\n

As a parent we should be more focused on what your teenager thinks about sex and less focused on what want to tell them. What was once a monologue of one directional communication must evolve into a dialogue. Communicate often but as a conversation. Don\u2019t give a lecture.<\/p>\n

Speak less, Listen More<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Opportunities for meaningful Parent-Teen dialogue pop up every day. You want to be ready when one arises. Imagine you are listening to a song or watching a movie. Something you find inappropriate comes up. Don\u2019t tell your teen how awful the lyrics are. Don\u2019t judge. Engage instead. Ask you teen what the song means. Ask what they like about it. Ask them to tell you what the TV show is about. If they answer, ask another question.<\/p>\n

Be genuinely interested. Keep asking and allow the conversation to develop. Resist the urge to give your opinion. Seek to understand theirs. Notice as soon as you make a statement of judgment the conversation will end. They teen will shut down. Your goal is to keep the conversation going. Speak less, listen\u00a0<\/strong>more when you are talking to teenagers.<\/p>\n

Use opportunities in their context<\/strong><\/h4>\n

When my son\u2019s friends are at my house I always ask them lots of questions. Your child may hold out, but the friends will spill the beans if you get a conversation going. One day the topic of birth control came up. I was fascinated how much they knew. Their information was terribly inaccurate, but I was impressed they actually knew what the methods were. When I asked how they knew this they informed me they learned it from\u00a0Big Mouth<\/em>. It\u2019s the\u00a0Beavis and Butt-Head<\/em>\u00a0of 2019. It\u2019s a show with inappropriate humor extremely popular with junior school boys. Watching the show with them opened up endless potential conversations \u2014 opportunities in context. Hit the pause button and ask them lots of questions.<\/p>\n

Another example for younger children is the TV show Fuller House. My 9 and 11 year old\u2019s don\u2019t get the thinly veiled sexual innuendo jokes, but I certainly do. In each episode there are opportunities to bring up various subjects and have a productive dialogue with your child.<\/p>\n

Music is their language<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Music is a child\u2019s language. Music presents a great opportunity for meaningful conversation. Next time you are in the car playing UberParent let them choose the music. Turn the volume down and ask them a question about the song. What did you think about what she just sang?\u201d<\/p>\n

Resist the urge to tell them your opinion.<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Let them talk it out. Ask probing questions to go deeper. For example, here is the chorus from Milley Cyrus\u00a0Wrecking Ball<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI came in like a wrecking ball<\/em><\/p>\n

I never hit so hard in love<\/em><\/p>\n

All I wanted was to break your walls<\/em><\/p>\n

All you ever did was break me<\/em><\/p>\n

Yeah, you wreck me\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Inevitable eye rolling<\/p>\n

I know when you ask a teenager \u201cWhat do you think she means by wrecking ball?\u201d They will roll their eyes at you. That\u2019s expected. Ask again. This time the answer is going to be, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d Don\u2019t stop there. Ask a follow-up question\u2026 and another\u2026.and another\u2026..be persistent. Be interested in the answer. Listen intently. You will learn more about your child. Overtime your relationship will grow. The lifelong conversation between a parent and child will ultimately create the thoughts in their heads that guide their decisions.<\/p>\n

……<\/p>\n

Blog Author: Dr. Jeff Livingston<\/a><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Use Opportunities in their Context. Typical conversations with a teenager \u201cHow was your day?\u201d \u201cFine\u201d \u201cWhat did you do at school today?\u201d \u201cNothing\u201d Riveting conversation for sure. We all want our children to be successful. Things would be so much easier if during the teen years we just did not have to talk to them. Effective Communication Our goal is to raise children who are ready to leave our house and survive in the world on their own. How do we do this? One key aspect is effective communication. Your teenager\u2019s job\u00a0is to prepare themself to leave \u2014 to pull away and to be able to survive in the world on their own. This creates tension between parent and child. It makes communication much more difficult. This tension is illustrated in the title of one of my favorite parenting books called\u00a0Get Out of My Life but Could you First Drive Cheryl and I to the Mall. Discussions about sex Parent-Child discussions about sex often break down because adults fail to accept one key concept. When our kids are young we tell them what our family believes. We explain what is right and what is wrong. As children age, they incorporate everything they learned from us and develop their own belief system. Their belief system is what guides their decisions. OUR opinions matter but THEIR opinion matters more. Here is the key concept: The thoughts in THEIR heads guide their decisions. As a parent we should be more focused on what your teenager thinks about sex and less focused on what want to tell them. What was once a monologue of one directional communication must evolve into a dialogue. Communicate often but as a conversation. Don\u2019t give a lecture. Speak less, Listen More Opportunities for meaningful Parent-Teen dialogue pop up every day. You want to be ready when one arises. Imagine you are listening to a song or watching a movie. Something you find inappropriate comes up. Don\u2019t tell your teen how awful the lyrics are. Don\u2019t judge. Engage instead. Ask you teen what the song means. Ask what they like about it. Ask them to tell you what the TV show is about. If they answer, ask another question. Be genuinely interested. Keep asking and allow the conversation to develop. Resist the urge to give your opinion. Seek to understand theirs. Notice as soon as you make a statement of judgment the conversation will end. They teen will shut down. Your goal is to keep the conversation going. Speak less, listen\u00a0more when you are talking to teenagers. Use opportunities in their context When my son\u2019s friends are at my house I always ask them lots of questions. Your child may hold out, but the friends will spill the beans if you get a conversation going. One day the topic of birth control came up. I was fascinated how much they knew. Their information was terribly inaccurate, but I was impressed they actually knew what the methods were. When I asked how they knew this they informed me they learned it from\u00a0Big Mouth. It\u2019s the\u00a0Beavis and Butt-Head\u00a0of 2019. It\u2019s a show with inappropriate humor extremely popular with junior school boys. Watching the show with them opened up endless potential conversations \u2014 opportunities in context. Hit the pause button and ask them lots of questions. Another example for younger children is the TV show Fuller House. My 9 and 11 year old\u2019s don\u2019t get the thinly veiled sexual innuendo jokes, but I certainly do. In each episode there are opportunities to bring up various subjects and have a productive dialogue with your child. Music is their language Music is a child\u2019s language. Music presents a great opportunity for meaningful conversation. Next time you are in the car playing UberParent let them choose the music. Turn the volume down and ask them a question about the song. What did you think about what she just sang?\u201d Resist the urge to tell them your opinion. Let them talk it out. Ask probing questions to go deeper. For example, here is the chorus from Milley Cyrus\u00a0Wrecking Ball \u201cI came in like a wrecking ball I never hit so hard in love All I wanted was to break your walls All you ever did was break me Yeah, you wreck me\u201d Inevitable eye rolling I know when you ask a teenager \u201cWhat do you think she means by wrecking ball?\u201d They will roll their eyes at you. That\u2019s expected. Ask again. This time the answer is going to be, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d Don\u2019t stop there. Ask a follow-up question\u2026 and another\u2026.and another\u2026..be persistent. Be interested in the answer. Listen intently. You will learn more about your child. Overtime your relationship will grow. The lifelong conversation between a parent and child will ultimately create the thoughts in their heads that guide their decisions. …… Blog Author: Dr. Jeff Livingston<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":11754,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"image","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[123,127],"class_list":["post-11753","post","type-post","status-publish","format-image","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-jeff-livingston","tag-parenting","tag-teens","post_format-post-format-image"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/expioconsulting.com\/macarthur\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11753","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/expioconsulting.com\/macarthur\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/expioconsulting.com\/macarthur\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/expioconsulting.com\/macarthur\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/expioconsulting.com\/macarthur\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11753"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/expioconsulting.com\/macarthur\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11753\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/expioconsulting.com\/macarthur\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11754"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/expioconsulting.com\/macarthur\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11753"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/expioconsulting.com\/macarthur\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11753"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/expioconsulting.com\/macarthur\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11753"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}